WARNING: LONG POST! :3
We only have two days left before 2013 ends so I'm dedicating this (and another) blog post to look back to where I was and what made me as I am today. This post is inspired by Wanderrgirl.com's Year-End Review Part 1 and Part 2.
I went through my planner (which doubles as my journal so I don't let other people read it) for this blog post. The start of 2013 to me was tough (which was mostly work related) and sadly, it affected more than the work I do. My planner/journal entries says how heavy I felt. The middle of the year was a bit slow paced but I started regaining my equilibrium and the end of the year took about two notches up from there. Not my usual pace but I'm sure I'm getting there and hopefully, get back on track early 2014. Here are the 5 major things I learned (the hard way) during 2013.
1. Work smart > work hard > working too hard
Really guilty of the last one. I was way too busy for anything else. I can't remember how many social gatherings I declined with friends and family. It's a consistent feeling of burnout, like the whole universe is up against you. It's really draining and you even get tired of being tired at the end of the day.
I realized that working hard is actually different with working smart. Working long hours accomplish something but NOT everything and I had to accept that that's the reality. I have this bad habit of no-stopping until-finished especially if I'm in the mood to work. And if I don't finish right on time, I start worrying and then it messes up my sleeping pattern. I started to have shorter shut eyes and longer worrying time which was actually one of the big causes of my burnout state. It lasted for months. Then one day I woke up and realized I have to stop this crap and burn that "no pain, no gain" saying for the first time. I always remember that poem Don't Quit and really hated it because I look at myself as a coward for not standing up until the end and shouting "Never say die!" But I remembered the times I somehow disappointed my loved ones, and one phrase came into mind: "It's not worth it." I needed a fresh start and leave everything else behind. As selfish as it sounds, it was my freedom.. which led me to lesson number 2.
2. Selfish acts do have consequences.
I quit my stable job for almost 4 years.
Sure, I was burnt out. Sure, I convinced myself that it was for my well being. Sure, staying is just going to make things worse. But then I realized it's not just about me. Having a stable job means you get to have your expenses taken care of and not having a regular monthly salary really drains your wallet AND your savings. Unfortunately, two months after my resignation, I got hospitalized. It was a bad and good experience which you can read about here. Same goes for the extension of my health card to my parents which right now, they don't use anything. That also includes having your boyfriend pay for everything in every date which makes me really feel so bad cause it makes me look like I'M draining HIS wallet (although to him it's no biggie, but you get where I'm coming from). I was too busy thinking of myself that I realized this is not JUST about me. I was 24 years old that time and looking back, I don't even think I thought of my decisions as a 24 year old. I promised and vowed to myself that that would be the first and last time I'm quitting my job without an offer from another company. I was just lucky I had enough savings to sustain me for six+ months. But seeing my savings being drained is not a pretty sight to look at.
3. A goal without a plan is just a wish.
Aside from the fact that I was so burnt out with work, the other reason I wanted to quit my job was to explore my artsy side. I was considering getting a second degree somewhere in the lines of Interior Design.
But it never happened because I was too undecided, confused, fickle minded and scared to go with it. Sounds like quarter life crisis eh? Besides, the practical side of me thought it was too impractical to get another degree and so I did a different track. I started going through online tutorials and classroom workshops. I went back to crocheting, tried paper cutting and other crafty things which is the reason I sort of "re-branded" my blog. Goals are always there but plans do make them happen. And I hope I carry on this practice until forever. Yes to making lists!
4. Nobody will pick you up from falling down except yourself but others will help you along the way.
Going through tough times usually remind you that a lot of people support you all the way. But as I mentioned, the keyword is support.
My family, friends and especially my boyfriend have been very supportive of the decisions I made and I couldn't thank God enough for it. I had to make decisions and I had to make it for myself. I was really down with low self-esteem during those times and their support has provided me strength to pick myself up and carry on. After all, the world will not stop turning for me to catch up. (Cue Stonefree's song Ikot)
So it seems that it was a VERY bad year. I guess it was and as described in Wanderrgirl.com, 2013 was heartbreaking. But these obstacles hone us to be stronger and better people than we are before. 2013 was not really THAT bad so I've posted part 2 for the highlights of my year. :)
Photo credits: Photo 1 | Photo 2 | Photo 3| Photo 4
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